大学申请文章范文—商学院

    There was a segment of the essay that concerned us.  You state “These industry developments could prevent a company called DoubleClick from acquiring Abacus Direct, one of the country’s largest catalog database services, in November of 1999.  This acquisition would, for the first time, allow an Internet advertiser to match actual names with other personal information that is ‘anonymously’ collected online.”  Did this transaction indeed take place in 1999?  At a later point in the essay, you refer to it again as though it did take place?  Yet this quoted segment is confusing.  If the transaction did NOT take place, you should rewrite it as follows: “These industry developments prevented a company called DoubleClick from acquiring Abacus Direct, one of the country’s largest catalog database services, in November of 1999.  This acquisition would have allowed, for the first time, an Internet advertiser to match actual names with other personal information that is ‘anonymously’ collected online.”

    Please bear in mind that we have a bias to change things rather than to leave them the same.  You should read the revised essay carefully and choose the changes that best suit you.
 
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Edited Essay:
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    Given the Internet’s borderless nature, many e-commerce companies find themselves facing inconsistencies in the marketplace regarding consumer privacy regulations.  In the past decade, numerous surveys throughout the world have found widespread privacy concerns among consumers.  For example, Westin (1998) found that 81% of Internet users express apprehension about entering personal data online.  Moreover, a recent survey by the Federal Trade Commission revealed that only approximately 20% of major e-commerce sites met FTC standards for protecting consumer privacy.  This issue seemed to reach peak levels when the European Union expressed deep concern last year that the U.S. standards of securing online privacy were too low.

    The issue of online privacy, whether it concerns the posting of privacy policies, the freedom of consumers to limit use of their personal data, or the secure handling of all information given voluntarily or through the use of ‘cookies,” is crucial to the development of the e-commerce industry.  The Clinton administration has long been a strong advocate of a laissez-faire approach, despite a stringent new European Union privacy directive that threatens to disrupt electronic commerce between the United States and Europe.  Clinton did, however, state in a commencement speech at Eastern Michigan University last May, “We can’t let breakthroughs in technology break down the walls of privacy.  We must be able to enjoy the benefits of technology without sacrificing our privacy.”   Many online marketers endorse self-regulation, citing that federal intervention could ruin e-commerce entirely.  Yet close examination of the existing ’self-regulation’ reveals that consumer groups and the government are wary of most online privacy statements, mainly because they are contradictory, hard to find, and subject to change, which weakens mechanisms of enforcement or redress by the law.  If protecting consumers is to be a priority among online merchants, significant, industry-wide change must take place in their privacy policies.