Clearly, we need laws that regulate the truth in Internet communications between consumer and e-commerce without threatening or intruding on the rising e-commerce domains. In writing such laws, they need to balance both the First and Fourth amendment, the right of people to “be secure in their persons, houses, papers and effects,” against the rights of corporate free speech. On one hand, I believe that if what a consumer has told about themselves has a market value beyond the immediate web transaction, then he/she deserves be explicitly aware of those intentions and can therefore opt-in or opt-out with sharing of their information to protect their individual privacy. On the other, I believe that it is also in the interest of the government to respect the newness and entrepreneurial visions of the e-commerce companies as they make their way into the new millennium. Overall, If the public continues to look to e-commerce as suspicious of false or misleading privacy issues, in the form of cookies or the sale of personal information to third parties, then the entire business of Internet advertising might be forced to change on it’s own. By that time, the industry would take on the effect of doing ‘too little, too late.’ Much effort would have to be made in order to reestablish and secure the privacy interests of the public. It is far better to have a long-term standardization of privacy policies mandated by the government that will respect the integrity of the free markets while securing the public’s concern for their privacy, in order to prevent any more disasters or compromising situations to occur in the future. By requiring the industry as a whole to have clear and standardized privacy policies, as adopted by the FTC, the reduction in conflict will provide much needed space and resolution for the rest of the millennium to flourish with innovative e-commerce business and personal products.
Critique
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XXX,
You have written a strong and detailed essay with many interesting points, and have structured your argument well. The essay’s major flaws were its length and some scattered grammatical and stylistic problems. We cut the essay to the required 1000 words, removing about 200 words. In order to make your essay more smooth and compelling, we significantly revised much of the content; we made sure, however, to allow your own ideas and voice to remain intact.
Your own vocabulary is strong, and your words well-chosen, yet we tried to broaden your diction and use more suitable words wherever possible. We also removed portions of sentences if we thought they were unnecessary or that they cluttered your ideas. On the other hand, we inserted some phrases and even entire statements to clarify your thoughts. Since you expressed dissatisfaction with your thesis and conclusion, you will find that we made some changes there (although we felt the conclusion was relatively fine). Awkward sentences were revised, and we varied your sentence structure to keep the reader interested in the writing. 本新闻共 6页,当前在第 3页 1 2 3 4 5 6 |
